


For the love of Bajor

by Nesmiths



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Domestic Violence, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kira tries to heal, Kira was a comfort woman, Old Friends, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Slavery, Stockholm Syndrome, they were roommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:33:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25869724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nesmiths/pseuds/Nesmiths
Summary: Major Kira Nerys sets off on a "peace mission" to colonize an uninhabited planet with Gul Dukat to bring two communities together.It doesn't take long for Dukat to realize an opportunity in the way Kira slips back into her post war trauma.Of course, with another familiar face from her past hiding in plain sight, it may not be so easy for Dukat to get his grip over her like he'd planned.
Relationships: Dukat/Kira Nerys, Jadzia Dax/Kira Nerys, Past Amina Dax/ Kira Nerys
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. First Aid

"You've lost YOUR MIND!" Kira's voice rang through the Gul's ears. "Me? Helping YOU?!" She looked at him incredulously. 

"My mind is very inact, no thanks to you I'm afraid." Dukat offered her a wry simper; his callous hand still holding his side. "...doesn't look like we'll make it all that far on our own in here." The Gul gestured around with his free arm, fingers outstretched to the now caved in entrance to the hollow. 

"What you really mean is you wont make it that far without me with those broken ribs of yours, and I'm planning on that." 

Today was certainly...special for Kira. What was supposed to be a mission of peace between Cardassia and Bajor, an attempt to colonize an uninhabited planet for both Bajorian and Cardassian citizens to start anew, quickly went to hell.

Not that it wasn't unexpected; bad things seem to follow Dukat or perhaps it's him who follows the bad things.

Just hours ago Kira was being assured by Captain Sisko that this could be a huge step in the right direction. "The majority of Bajor stands with this idea…" He tried to reason with her. 

"I can think of a thousand reasons why we shouldn't go through with this and the enslavement of my people is only the start!"

Despite this, here she was, trapped inside the hollow of a mountain with this evil scaly bastard.

"Here I thought you were growing fond of me, Major. We were supposed to be friends…"

"We're not friends." Kira hastily grabbed his arm, yanking it over her shoulder. She couldn't stop the grin that escaped when Dukat groaned. "...but Sisko will have my ass if I come back and you're dead. So, it's your lucky day, Dukat." 

"Somehow, I don't feel too lucky." The Gul managed to limp fast enough to keep up with Kira's undoubtedly purposeful pain speed. 

Kira managed to flip open her scanner with the hand that was not currently supporting her mortal enemy. "Oh son of a-"

"Language, Major!" Dukat scolded, sarcasm biting his words. Nothing new here.

In response she nudged his side with her hip causing the Gul to nearly collapse. "I'll drag you if I have to, stay up." She commanded with a tone laced in sadism. It was obvious there was some perverse pleasure, perhaps revenge at play here.

"I'm simply touched that you'd even offer as much, Nerys."

"Major is just fine," She continued, "According to my readings there's an exit on the other side of this mountain and it's about a two day trek. We're too far below the surface for a beam out. So keep walking and try not to die. I'm not carrying you the whole way."

It was silent for a while, much to Kira's relief the only thing she'd heard from Dukat was a few sharp intakes of breath and the sound of their boots in the gravel.

"We should probably stop for the night. It's getting cold, which probably means you're freezing." Her arm unhooked from Dukat's side in favor of grabbing a phaser she had tucked away in her boot. 

Dukat, upon being released, fell into the gravel. "Oh, you do care after all…" 

"I am doing the bare minimum to keep your slimy ass alive, Dukat." She said over her shoulder before using her phaser to start a fire.

"I can't believe you brought a weapon to a peace mission."

"Nothing about you is peaceful or safe." She leaned against a rock, eyes fixed on the fire. 

Dukat slowly propped himself up on the cave wall, his cough echoed through the mountain-side. "Major, I agreed to this mission because I want to correct what we've done."

"What you've done." She spoke flatly, as if she were too tired to argue. "I was trying to save my people. You were killing them."

"We both had our own interests at the time…"

"You make me sick, Dukat."

There was another cough from the Gul. "No matter, I still believe it's best for Cardassia and Bajor to be able to live among each other peacefully. Maybe even work together...be together." As if to punctuate his sentence he coughed once again, this time a small splatter of blood accompanied the sound. 

"Your rib probably punctured something, a shame." 

"And you say I'm the monster," Dukat spit more blood beside him, "but you're more than willing to watch a man die."

"You're no man, and maybe your people desensitized me to it." Her hand tensed around a rock she'd been fidgeting with. "You were more than willing to kill my people."

"I have my regrets…"

"Regrets don't bring back the people you've slaughtered."

"I'm glad we agree on something here…"

"Oh, Dukat… I don't regret doing what I had to do," Kira spoke, now focusing on rolling the rock in her hands.

"You regret the killing, the fact that you felt that you had to do it…" Dukat cleared his throat. "I respect you, Major, and I understand. You and are aren't that dissimilar."

Kira laughed, short and calloused. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"If I admit that the past haunts me, will you drop this little act? You're not a soldier anymore, Nerys."

"...I think that's the first time you called me something other than a terrorist." She glanced up at him.

"You were only doing what you had to." Suddenly, the Gul doubled over with an intense hack. Blood painted the ground before him. There was a startling amount compared to his last few coughs.

"Dukat!" Kira lept up in shock. She walked around the fire to kneel by him. "Lay back, I'm gonna try to see what's going on here."

Her hands trembled as she lifted his shirt to reveal a baseball sized bruise on his ribs. "I can't tell you how many people died on me like this," She ran her finger tips over his ribs, feeling them to make sure they hadn't moved and possibly stabbed him. 

"Why are you helping me now?"

"No one else needs to die over this. It's supposed to be over," She fixed his shirt the way it was. "Your ribs don't actually seem to be broken, just very bruised. Though we still don't know why you're bleeding."

"Thank you, Major."

"We're still not friends," She retreated back to her side of the fire.

"I would be willing to consider you as one…"


	2. Collapse of a Prominent Figure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Major Kira Nerys struggles to keep herself together while being stranded with her former captor.

Kira let out a huff as her back hit the cave wall, sliding down the jagged rocks; obviously not having thought through the action. She unceremoniously fell into a sitting position unharmed, save for a few scratches. 

Major Kira Nerys, a prominent figure in liberating Bajor, was now finding herself watching the enemy breathe in his sleep. 

This is fucked. Though she’d never say it aloud. It’s something about having to keep this man alive; The one responsible for your people’s trauma. 

The rise and fall of the Gul’s chest would’ve been therapeutic, just the sounds of unlabored breath could’ve been enough, but the truth of her situation kept setting in. After a while it sounded like phaser fire; a little while longer it was a hot breath on her neck. She shuddered, her fist hitting the ground involuntarily as she let out a short cry.

“...Major?” Dukat’s eyes lazily slid open, now looking over the dwindling fire at Kira. He watched as she held her hand up to her chest, curled up into herself looking over her shoulder down the tunnel. 

“Be quiet” She whispered, fear apparent in her voice. Her eyes focused elsewhere, unmoving. 

The Gul carefully moved to sit up. “Nerys, what is it?”

“They’re coming!” Kira spoke urgently, tone hushed. There was a slight waver in her voice, something the cardassian wasn’t used to hearing from her. 

“Major!” He said a little louder through his discomfort, bordering on annoyance. 

Kira jolted, dropping her hand. “Shit!”, she yelled out as another wave of pain shot from her hand. Before she knew it there was another hand steadying her wrist. 

“What just happened?”, The Gul said gently. 

The Major pulled her hand back, “Don’t touch me.” Her words were barely audible. 

Dukat slowly put his hand up. “I guess now we’re both a little scratched up.” He offered a smile, though Kira only saw it as smug.

“...guess so” She let out an annoyed huff, appearing to be coming down from whatever had just ensued.

The cardassian watched the Major seemingly fall back into herself. He knew whatever her weak little Bajoran brain was up to, it was probably Cardassia’s doing.   
Dukat’s arms outstretched, enveloping the shaken Bajoran in a tight embrace. “We’ll heal together, Major.” 

“I-” Kira began, but instead opted to rest her head on the Gul’s chest. 

“You need to rest,” Dukat suggested gently.

If she had any fight left tonight Dukat would’ve been dead by now, but instead she let his voice lull her to sleep.

Hours had passed, neither of them sure what time of day it was or which of the planets three suns would have risen by now. 

“Major…” Kira stirred in Dukat’s arms. “...Major wake up.” He said again.

The Major blinked a couple times, confused at the sensation of being rocked. “..Dukat?” Her stomach sank as the realization kicked in.

“What’d you do to me?” She panicked, springing out of his arms.

“You were having a bad night.” The Gul explained.

“Having a bad night doesn’t explain why you were holding me, Dukat!”

“Well, I’m sorry, generally when one curls up in your arms you don’t just drop them.”

“I…...I did what?” She paused.

“No matter, it’s time to start moving.” 

“If you mention this to anyone, you will die.” Bitterness bit at her words as she threw Dukat’s arm over her shoulders.

“Noted, and thank you.” He spoke as they walked. Kira’s pace was nowhere near as back breaking as the day previous. 

“I have to help you. Make no mistake, I don’t want to.” 

Dukat would’ve grinned, but he wasn’t up for the challenge or the pain today. “How much progress do you think we’ve made already?”

“Not enough for you to start asking if we’re there yet.” She said tensely, extremely uncomfortable with how close her “mission partner” had to be.

After awhile Kira started to relax. It’d been quiet, at least for the last few hours, just long enough to pretend that she wasn’t dragging a wounded dictator around an underground tunnel system. Of course the silence couldn’t last as Kira was sure Dukat thought his own voice to be music.

Suddenly, Dukat let his foot drag, stopping the both of them. “I think we should leave this tunnel as friends, Major.”

Kira dropped Dukat’s arm, causing him to wobble on his feet. “I think you can manage walking by yourself now.”

“It’s for the good of our people. Think of how easy this planetary transition would be if you were by my side.”

She felt her stomach begin to sour. “The moment you deal with your war criminals is the moment I’ll stop thinking about killing you. That’s about as close to friends as we’ll ever get.”

“You dropped your guard once already, Nerys. I wish you’d let it stay down.”

“You’re acting like I’m in love with you.." She said over her shoulder. There was a bitter edge to her words.

"Well, are you?" The Gul said in a smug tone, just barely keeping up with her.

"Don't bet on it, Dukat." She spat back.

Dukat reached forward, grabbing the Major's arm firmly to stop her. "Don't be ridiculous, Nerys."

"If you don't let go of -" Suddenly, static came through her combadge. Kira yanked her arm back to tap her badge. "Kira to Deep Space Nine? Come in Deep Space Nine." 

"The static probably interference from the planets surface."

"No, Maybe we're close enough to the surface now. Besides, we haven't reported back to Captain Sisko in two days. I'm surprised he hasn't come crashing through the ceiling yet."

"You put too much faith in Benjamin Sisko, you know?"

"You really want to get on my nerves today…"

"I would really rather you confront your feelings, but I'll take what I can get." Dukat barely took a step before Kira's badge went off again, this time accompanied by the Captain's voice. 

"Sisko to the Major, do you read?"

"Kira to Sisko, Loud and clear." She beamed. "Can you get a lock on us?"

"Give us a few minutes, this planet's atmosphere isn't exactly transport friendly. Sisko out."

"...and back to isolation." Dukat cleared his throat.

"yeah, I wish." She leaned against the tunnel wall, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"You'd rather be here alone?" 

The Major folded her arms, shifting a glare towards the cardassian. "I'd rather not be here at all…"

"That hurts me, Nerys."

"It's Major and this is the last time I'll tell you…"

The Gul took a step back. "Perhaps I've misjudged us. My apologies."

"You did, wildly." She tensed her bruised fist sending a small shock of pain through her wrist. 

"You really should let me look at that."

"And why in the hell would I trust you?" The Major snapped with clenched fists. "Do you even know what you ordered your people to do? Do you even care what they did?" Her voice echoed between them, bouncing off the cavern walls. 

"I regret the things I've done."

Kira quirked her brow, this might be an improvement. She decided to give the Gul a little push, "And what did you do?"

She watched Dukat fail to meet her gaze. He failed to speak as well. "An apology won't fix what you've done, Dukat. Just forget it."

"I wish you’d give me the chance to make it up to you."


	3. Crumbling Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kira fights to take charge of herself.
> 
> Odo fights to take charge of his station.
> 
> Dukat just fights.

The next time the major opened her eyes the two were standing atop transporters.

Wasting no time, and saving pleasantries, she stepped down from the transporter. Her skin buzzed, an unpleasant sensation crashing like waves against the side of her face that graced his chest. Her shoulders felt weighted down, collarbones threatening to crack under the pressure as she squinted her eyes in discomfort. The feeling of unease loomed over her, but so did the public eye. Kira straightened up her back, eyes focused on the way out. 

“Only contact me when there’s a schematic of stable routes drawn up. Until then, not a single ping.” She didn’t look back at him before she left. The major wasn’t even sure where she was headed, besides away from Gul Dukat.

Of course, Ben Sisko was waiting just around the corner, sliding into view as if to catch her. “I know this isn’t easy for you, but my hands are tied.”

“With all due respect, Captain, I am NOT looking for your sympathy.” Her tone was hushed, though not without a streak of annoyance. “We’re going back as soon as that slimy bastard comes up with a list of stable routes to take.”

“You need to stand down, Major.” Benjamin’s voice boomed, causing Kira’s eyes to narrow. 

“Or what, you’ll take me off this damn mission? I don’t see anyone else chomping at the bit to go map out a planet with Dukat.” 

“When you’re ready to actually talk to me, we will resume this discussion. I do hope you’re able to put yourself back together.” 

Kira half-muttered a “Dammit.” as Sisko left her by herself. She sucked in a breath before continuing down the hall, making her way to security hoping to busy herself with something mind numbingly tedious. 

“Good to see you, Nerys. Finished down there so soon?” A familiar voice greeted her.

The major smiled in return, sparkling back at the constable. “Actually no, we ran into some problems with the planet’s surface stability, but its fine. We’re just going to head back later with the proper information. Has it been quiet while I was gone?” She took the seat opposite of Odo. 

“I would like to say so, for your sake, but not everyone here agrees with the recent kumbaya of sorts.” The constable learned forward on his desk. “It’s no secret that Dukat is rather unnerving to some of us.”

“Most….” She said casually, as if she wasn’t vibrating internally waiting for this all to be over . “We have to do this, to ensure it never happens again.”

“I understand, Major, It just seems like re-traumatizing your people may not be the right means of prevention.”

“I don’t disagree, Odo. I really don’t, but I see no better options right now not that I could argue my way out of this if I tried.”

“Do keep yourself armed around him, Major.”

“Trust me, I already do.” She leaned back in her chair. “Can I ask you something personal? It’s uncomfortable.” She warned quickly. “You can say no..”

“Well, you can’t start off with an introduction like that you can’t expect me to say no.” Odo folded his hands together. “What’s on your mind?”

“He kept…” She paused for a moment, thinking of the best way to word this, “Dukat wants to be in a relationship with… me.”

Odo’s face twisted. “He’s lost his mind. He knows you’d skin him if given the ok, we all would. You would, wouldn’t you?”

“Of...fuck of course. Why would you ask that? I’d filet him like a fish…”

“I believe your fish is here.” Odo groaned, seeing the Dukat’s silhouette through his office doors. “Come in.” He pressed a button on his desk.

Dukat stepped through the doors. “I didn’t ping…” He said hopefully.

“Your next sentence should be something about having a complete map of the structural integrity of our planet.” 

“I came to tell you that I found one stable underground route, and it won’t be stable for long.”

“Making the planet unusable, thank the prophets…” Just like that Kira lit back up. She let out a small laugh, fit with a clap. 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Major. This just means we have to find a new planet.”

“There aren’t exactly a bunch of uninhabited planets out there capable of sustaining life, you know.” The Major couldn’t wipe the grin off her face. “Sisko practically pulled this one out of a hat.” She stood from her seat. “The projects fucked, Dukat!” 

Odo snorted a quiet laugh in the background. 

“This can’t be it! This was supposed to be a milestone for our people. Have you lost your mind?!”

“I see no milestone in re-traumatizing my people for your justice boner.” She put her hand on Dukat’s shoulder. “Better luck next time, buddy.” She turned to leave.

“So you agree, we are friends.” Dukat called after her.

“Absolutely not, Dukat.” The doors close behind her, leaving Odo alone with the dictator.

“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen the major this enthused…” Odo smiled up at Dukat. 

The Gul scowled, “This is far beyond her realm of comprehension. The coming together of our people is necessary to ensure the safety of both of us.”

“What if nobody wants you safe?” Odo spoke, “Just an idea…”

Dukat seemed to be realizing, albeit slowly, that he no longer had the power aboard this station. Terok Nor hasn't existed for some time now, but Dukat's ego only suffered some minor setbacks from its change of hands. He really only grieves for his office, and having the major under his thumb, and occasionally under himself. "Perhaps you don't understand the unrest between our respective people, Constable. Without some sort of peace mission there will be a war and I really wouldn't want to have to prepare for that."

"I refuse to dignify your shattering ego by responding to threats. The war is over, unless you decide to start one. Regardless, this is no longer your station and until you have something useful to bring to the table I think you should leave." Odo stood, gesturing to the exit. "You'll find that the doors open via sensor, making it much easier to exit."

"This isn't over," Dukat managed, shooting a glare at the changling before taking his leave.


	4. Bile & Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dukat may not have much power aboard Deep Space Nine, but he still firmly has Kira Nerys stuck in his scaly fist.

Kira didn’t know if night had fallen on Bajor or Earth, all she knew is that her shift was finally over. The rest of her shift that day was spent avoiding Sisko, and making brisk turns to avoid Dukat who’d firmly refused to leave the station. Whatever he was after, she didn’t want to think about it, sticking to her thinly stretched idea of safety under the federation to keep her calm.

Of course, the moment she’d settled back into her couch in an attempt to relax, at the very least through the night, her com pinged with a familiar tone. “On screen” She sighed, sitting up to view the small screen atop her coffee table. 

“Yes, I’m fine, thank you for asking, Major,” Dukat’s smug face appeared across the glass. “It was just a little internal bleeding from the cave that fell on me, a dermal regenerator made quick work of it, since you didn’t ask. ”

“I couldn’t care less, Dukat.” Kira tensed her fist, fingers pushing in on old bruises. The pain seemed to drown out her rising anxiety. 

“What about that hand?” The Cardassian’s voice softened. “You should get that looked at before it becomes distracting to your work, which would be me now."

"What are you talking about? You shouldn't even be here…"

"Words spreading, Nerys. The planet chosen was in shambles. Your people aren't sure if they can trust their own Emissary. We have to do something before panic rises and war breaks out."

"Tomorrow," She managed to spit out before hitting the off button. "Ah," She groaned, shaking out her bad hand. 

Kira was enraged, for a second at least, before realizing she was back to being Dukat's bitch. Kira Nerys, a prominent figure in liberating her people, slammed back into his arms, by her people. 

Sisko couldn't possibly agree to this. Not that he knows that much. His hands are tied, right? He doesn't know what that's like.

She willed her body to relax; resignation is an antidepressant, if only for the moment. 

The morning rolled around, and from the moment her eyes opened she couldn't recall if she'd actually slept or simply just had them closed. 

After a moment she finally managed to make her body move, heading for the showers, then to get dressed. The entire process felt tedious,completely unnecessary as if she were still a comfort woman. 

Sometimes her mind would forget this isn't Terok Nor, and it would all be real again.

Information never came cheap, but Kira felt that way about herself. 

The major's stomach churned its familiar mixture of bile and blood as she heard the quarter's door chime. 

"Open up, sunshine." Jadzia's voice came through the com. "Heard you're being stubborn, as usual."

"Oh it’s you," Kira's tone sarcastic, overshadowed by her smile. "Come in."

"Julian noticed you never stopped in after your away mission. So, I'm bringing medbay to you." She pointed at her friend cheesily, half mocking finger-phasers.

"It was Dukat, wasn't it?"

Jadzia's smile fell. "Got a call last night. He said you messed up your hand. I just wanted to check in."

The major held her hand up to her friend, "Don't mistake that for kindness. It's never kindness."

The trill gently steadied Kira's hand, circling a dermal regenerator over it slowly. She felt her friends hand relax after moments of silence, listening to the beeps of the regenerator flow through the room. 

"I know," Jadzia spoke, fingers still delicately supporting her palm; dermal long pocketed and forgotten. 

Kira wince as if she'd touched fire, pulling her hand back from Jadzia's swiftly. "No, you don't" The words ripped out of her throat coldly. 

"I can't help you regain control of this if you don't inform the Captain, Nerys." 

She knew her friend was well meaning. Jadzia was never insincere to her. "How?"

"...because I used to know you. I was...She was..." 

" Eyli Amina.." She said instantly, taking a step back. "You're...she was…you never told me" She stared at the trill before her. Her friend, no, late wife. 

"Eyli Amina Dax, yes" Jadzia hadn't moved, hoping there was some sort of mutual understanding here. These are the things you don't talk about.

"I never forgave Damar for what he did to you." Tears began to flow as she pulled Jadzia into a hug. "God, Amina, I've missed you."

"She wanted to be there for you, I love you." Jadzia clung to her chest in a moment of weakness. "Promise me you'll talk to Ben."

"I can't do that." Her arms fell to her sides. "You know I can't."

"I'm still your friend. I'll still be there for you. I still…"

"Just...go" The major wiped her eyes, a hiccup disturbing her words. 

Jadzia, no, Amina offered a pained smile. A small offering of comfort, or perhaps it was simply self serving. The act allowed her to believe for a moment they were still existing as they should be, together. 

That faint feeling of happiness, the thing she was sure kept them going until Amina was ripped away. 

It was bittersweet, when her fresh host found Kira years later on that same space station. Especially with Trill law specifying no romantic interactions with your previous host's partners. 

Kira tried to swallow her feelings, blanketing numbness around herself for what's to come. This was just another secret, another reason why she can't move on. Another person to cling to that no one can know about.

Another person to get ripped away from her. 

Deep breaths. Deeper Breaths. Dissociation.

Go meet him. 

She flexed her recently healed hand, once again shaking it out before going to find Dukat. Though she knew he'd find her.

“Nerys, I was beginning to think you’ve slept in.” Dukat snuck up on her. “It’s good to see you well-rested..”

“That’s a stretch…” She admitted, turning to face him. “You need to stop pretending that your concern is for me, and not just for yourself.”

“Oh?” Dukat cupped her cheek, the pad of his thumb carefully swiping against the corner of her mouth. “How many times do I need to tell you that I care, Nerys?”

Kira leaned into him, a learned trait, that old survival instinct kicking in, “I just…” She swallowed, hard, uncomfortably vulnerable in this moment. “...want to feel loved.”

“I know you do, my sunshine.” He leaned in close, stopping just before their noses touched. “And I do,” He whispered. “You know you were my favorite.”

She found herself closing the gap between their faces, but Dukat’s thumb pressed against her lips.

“Not here, my dear.” He released her chin from his grasp.

“I...I just..” Her voice desperately grasping for an even tone, falling short by far. She’d become unsure of herself, admitting silently that this wasn’t all bad. “I’ve missed you…”

“So we’re friends again, Major?” He brushed his hand against her shoulder and up to her neck. 

“Of course, my…” She paused, parts of her threatening to be sick, but still far overshadowed.

“Love, your love, Miss Nerys.” He guided her, wrapping an arm around her waist. 

“My love…” The words dropped out of her mouth, each one sounding foreign to her.


	5. Comfort in Familiarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dukat pushes Kira into their old routine. Jadzia ends up picking up the pieces. 
> 
> (Check notes before reading & heed archive warnings.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW - Rape/Noncon 
> 
> This Chapter gets a little heavy, and if these things are triggering to you feel free to skip.
> 
> Incase you wanted to skip this chapter here's the plot -   
> Dukat ends up being an even more unsavory character in this chapter leaving Kira even more confused than previously. Jadzia finds her when she doesn't show up for her duty shift. They talk a little bit about Amina and Jadzia tries to separate herself from her past host. She helps Kira shower before asking Kira to stay at her quarters so she can look after her.
> 
> The next chapter will start with Jadzia in Sisko's office asking for Kira to be taken off the duty roster so she can focus on her peace mission.

It’s comfortable in some sick way. A way that Kira doesn’t dare think about. She’s curled up on Dukat’s broad chest, skin burning in that familiar way as if he were acid, and she knows he is acid personified. Her breaths are still short, partly from exertion, or otherwise from anxiety. 

His hand is caressing her side, up and down slowly, over the valley of her waist. 

They lay in silence like this until his hand flattens out on her belly as if it were threatening to travel lower. 

Kira sucked in a breath as her body tensed, but only for a moment. “I can’t…” She spoke, glancing up at him timidly.

“Relax, sunshine.” Dukat’s voice traveled through her head, “...your love, remember?” 

She buried her face in his chest, feeling his hands on her. Those same hands pulling muffled moans out of her. “Please…” Kira tried to pull away, but she was stuck between him and a wall.

He’s not going to stop, and she knows this. Kira can feel herself slipping out of her skin, eyes closing as if to protect her from her own sight.

She’s fighting tears trying to remember the last time she felt loved. The last time she’d trusted someone for the right reasons. 

Dukat’s free hand wiped her tears. His touch was rough and Kira could feel he was annoyed with her.

Her body fought against her, tensing up for what’s next. “Stop,” she cried softly. Her thighs closed against his hand, body pushing up into him despite herself.

“Oh god, Amina” She gasped, catching up to a feeling she didn’t know she was chasing. 

Her captor stayed quiet, letting her simmer in her feelings. The longer he let her play pretend the more pliable she would be.

Dukat tapped her cheek, two fingers firmly resting on her jaw. 

“No,” She spoke, the tears falling down her face as Dukat pulled her from her memory. 

“Nerys, she’s dead. She’s been dead. You have me now.” Dukat wrapped both his arms around her, holding her tight.  
“No,” She sobbed into him.

Dukat pushed her off of his chest with force. Her back cracked against the wall. “I am disappointed in you, blubbering for her, after everything I’ve done for you.” He shook his head. “To think I could’ve loved you.”

Kira curled up in herself. She could feel the bruising on her spine as it stretched. “Don’t go…” She whispered, but it was too late. She could already hear the swish of her quarter’s door. 

She didn’t pay attention to the time that passed, and only hoped ops would just forget about her when she didn’t make her shift. 

Right now, Kira Nerys didn’t exist, at least, not in the way the residents of Deep Space Nine knew her.

She could reach out, and she kind of did to the only other person who was there, Dukat. Kira knew she couldn’t legally let Jadzia into her life like that. The station could lose Jadzia for good, most importantly she could.

The sound of her door chiming jolted her out of her thoughts. She stared across her bedroom in the direction of her front door, not remembering if she’d locked it.

“Hey, sunshine.” Jadzia’s voice eased through the com. “You’re late for your duty shift, everything alright in there?”

Kira winced at ‘sunshine’, unsure how such a name could get so contorted. Amina used to call her that, she used to say that even in the darkest of times that Kira was her light. “Please, go away.” She cursed herself shortly after speaking. Her voice cracked over com. 

“Kira open up, what’s wrong?” Jadzia went to place her hand on the door, nearly falling through as the door just opened for her. “Kira?” She paced the living area with a feeling of unease.

When Jadzia finally found Kira, she was completely tucked under a blanket, just barely peeking out at her. “I don’t want you to see me like this again…”

The Trill's heart dropped, “Oh, Nerys.” She spoke softly, reaching for the blankets.

“Don’t…” Kira begged, tightening her grip on the blanket. 

“I’m going to kill him, I swear, Nerys.” Jadzia exploded in a rage, something she’d not experienced since the occupation. 

“When I’m with him, it feels like Amina is still here.” She spoke up, “Like she’s waiting for me outside.”

“But I...I am.” The trill knelt beside the bed. “Forget your duty shift, we’ll make Garak do it if we have to.” She held out her hand. “Please, Let me help you.”

Kira flattened her palm against Jadzia’s tentatively as she sat up causing her blanket to fall, revealing her body.

She tried to hide herself from Jadzia with her free arm. "Don't...don't look." It felt as if her body would collapse in on itself, from the memory of the weight of Dukat's eyes and now this. Hopeless wasn't quite the word one would use to describe this feeling. 

"Look at me, Kira." The trill tilted the Major's chin towards her, "You're going to be okay."

How she got from her bed to her shower was sort of a blur, but she couldn’t complain with the way Jadzia was rubbing her scalp. Her bruised back found comfort in the Trill’s stomach as her head rested on her shoulder. She felt Jadzia’s arm wrap around her waist. 

“I still remember…”

“Don’t,” Kira said urgently. “Please don’t try to be her…” Her voice was small, barely audible. “I changed my name back to forget about her…”

“She thought Kira Amina sounded better anyway,” Jadzia admitted as she squeezed out a soapy washcloth.

“If you don’t want to be here, Jadzia, you can leave. If you don’t leave now, I don’t know if I can forget this.”

When Jadzia didn’t move she spoke up, “I think...I want you to love me.” She breathed out, feeling safe for once.

“Nerys, I do love you.” She said gently, running her cloth over Kira’s shoulders. “Since we first met.” Jadzia pressed a kiss against her temple. She didn’t know if she was speaking for herself, Amina, or the symbiant; possibly all three. 

“You don’t have to say that. Amina is dead, Damar -” She choked out a sob. 

“Shh..” Jadzia dropped the washrag in favor of holding her, gently rocking her under the warm shower water. 

“After she died I...I threw myself at them. It wasn’t even for information anymore I just wanted to feel loved. I was so empty without her…”

Jadzia sighed, her stomach soured at the thought. “It’s not your fault..” She tried to reassure her, “He’s got you confused on purpose. Don’t think even for a moment, that you need to explain yourself. Amina wouldn’t want an apology. She’d want you safe.”

Kira shifted in the Trill’s arms until she was sitting up and facing her, nearly nose to nose.  
“Nerys…” Jadzia spoke, “Don’t feel like you need to…” She was cut off with a kiss. Placing a hand on Kira’s shoulder she gently nudged her away. “You don’t owe me anything. I don’t want this to be like...that.” 

“Just please, get him off me.” She practically begged, her hands resting on the back of Jadzia’s neck. 

“I know you think you want this now, but we shouldn’t.” Jadzia carefully pulled out of Kira’s arms. She turned off the water. “I still need to inform Benjamin of your schedule changes. Would you be okay getting dressed and going to my quarters? I’ll unlock my door for you from ops.”


	6. Kanar and Shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jadzia finally tells Benjamin everything leaving him in a comprising position as station captain and emissary to the Bajoran people.
> 
> Meanwhile, Kira musters up enough courage to tell Dukat to get bent.
> 
> *Chapter contains consentual sex scene at the end
> 
> If you want to skip it, the scene starts after Jadzia says "You're strong, you don't need me."

Jadzia tapped her badge as she stood before the Captain’s office. “Dax to Sisko, permission to come bug you for a sec..” She tried her best to sound casual, even punctuating the message with a knock on his door. Without another word the doors swayed open revealing Sisko, who had his nose in his PADD.

She stepped inside.

“Absolutely none of our scanners detected the planet's instability the first time…” He sighed, haphazardly tossing the PADD on his desk. “This whole mission is a mess.”

“That’s actually what I came here to talk to you about. I have a request..” Jadzia began.

“Well, out with it old man. Any idea is a good one right now.”

“I think we should pull Kira from the duty roster for as long as she’s spearheading this peace mission.”

“I take it back, most ideas are good ones. The last thing the Bajoran people need is to see their Emissary pull their hero out of the public eye.”

“Benjamin, it’s important that you do so..”

“They care about representation in starfleet about as much as this mission. The Bajorans are already tense, and the Cardassians are looking for any excuse to jump!”

“She’s going to lose her fucking mind, Ben!” Jadzia shut her eyes, trying to calm down. “I’m sorry, it's just really important that you do this for her.”

“Is there a part of the story I’m missing here?” The Captain leaned forward in his seat. “You usually tell me everything, old man. You have told me everything, right?”

The trill took a seat across from the Captain. “You need to promise me this information stays in this room, no reports.”

“No reports,” Sisko echoed, “Start from the beginning.”

“Sometime after Curzon, I was with another host, a Bajoran woman named Eyli Amina. The joining was traumatic and rushed, but we were both on the verge of death. She performed the joining alone. This was around the time I had learned that my host was married to a Bajoran woman, and that they were both comfort women.”

“Where are you going with this?” The Captain questioned.

“Amina was married to an Eyli Nerys. They were comfort women to Damar and Dukat.”

The Captain just blinked at her, processing this information. “What happened to Amina?” He asked, finally, unsure if he wanted to know.

“Once her joined status became obvious, Damar ripped the symbiant, myself, out of her and sent me back to my home planet as a warning to stay out of Cardassian affairs.”

“Why did you wait to tell me all of this?”

“Kira didn’t know it was me until yesterday. She was never supposed to know, but she needed her…”

Benjamin pressed his fingers against his temples as his eyes fell shut. “Why now, old man?”

“Dukat still has a hold on her, and I know he’s going to use that to manipulate this peace mission. He’s been…” She paused for a moment, “Kira isn’t safe around him.”

“I can’t exactly kick him off the station. Any wrong move means war right now.”

“Fuck the peace mission, Benjamin, if he doesn’t depart this station alive I’ll burry him here.” She stood up, “Look, if you would’ve agreed in the first place we could at least pretend the peace mission was still on, but now you and I both know that you’re struggling with the idea of peace after finding out slave labor wasn’t the only war crime these lizard fucks committed.”

X

Kira had managed to pull herself from the shower, and gotten herself dressed, but couldn’t seem to pass the barrier of her doorway. Dukat could be anywhere, but at least here she could lock him out. Would she though? Probably not. In truth she knows she’s not safe anywhere without Amina, and she’s never coming back. 

She tries not to think about Amina’s death too much, or how attached she’d gotten to the symbiant before the incident, as she finally broke the barrier between her quarters and the hallway. 

Deep Breath. Deeper Breath. Make it to Jadzia’s quarters unscathed.

Kira cautiously surveyed each hall before walking through it, so when she did bump into Dukat, actually him into her, it caught her off guard. 

“Nerys, come to apologize?” Dukat looked down at her smugly. “That’s all you have to do, sunshine.”

She took a step away from him. “I...I wasn’t looking for you.” The words stumbled out of her mouth, "You need to stay away."

The Gul reached out to brush her damp hair from her face. "You were so beautiful this morning," He smiled down at her before twisting a clump of hair in his hand. "Where are you off too, my sunshine?"

She yelped in pain as her hands scrambled for his fist. "You don't have the right to call me that!" 

"I earned that right after your wife's dissection." He growled, voice low in her ears. "I was the only one who would even look at you after that. You are damaged beyond repair, and yet I still love you." He dropped her. "After all we've been through, after my generosity as your lover, do you love me?"

Kira shrunk into herself, quickly stepping away from him until she hit the wall behind her. "I…." She swallowed hard, "I don't. I never loved you." 

Dukat put his hand over his heart. "That hurts me, Nerys."

"I'm sorry…." She whispered after him. The second most painful thing in the world was Dukat choosing to leave her alone and she couldn't begin to figure out why. After she was sure he was gone she tapped her com badge. "Dax…Dax come in?" Her voice wavered. "I made it, let me in." 

"I'll be there soon, Sunshine." Jadzia's calming voice replied. She'd already left Benjamin's office. 

Kira waited for the door chime before stumbling in. Immediately after the doors closed she took her uniform top off, leaving her in her white undershirt. 

As the time passed she found herself periodically glancing at the doors, anxious that Dukat might find his way in, or that Jadzia might decide she doesn't want her here. She wasn't sure which idea scared her more.

Finally, Jadzia appeared through the doors. "Did something happen? You sounded upset.."

Kira looked up at her from the living area. "Its…I'll be fine"

The trill sighed, "He'll be dealt with soon, I promise." She crossed the room to sit beside Kira who almost immediately leaned into her. 

"What would I do without you?" She crossed her arms around Jadzia, burying her head into her shoulder. 

Jadzia felt her heart drop as she tucked three fingers under her jaw, tilting Kira's head towards her. "You're strong, you don't need me."

The Major's eyes locked into Jadzia's deep blues, then onto her lips before closing the gap between the two completely. 

This time her resolve crumbled completely as she leaned back against the couch, gently coaxing the Major to crawl on top of her. She pushed up into the kiss, her tongue dipping into Kira's mouth. 

She tasted like Kanar and Jadzia had to push that fact out of her mind.

Kira's hands traveled up Jadzia's sides.

"I've never…." The trill trailed off. "..well, Jadzia has never…"

"You've never been with a woman?" Kira smiled playfully as she set Jadzia's hands on her hips. She leaned back to pull off her undershirt before gently guiding one of her girlfriend's hands to her waistband. Her big brown eyes fixed on Jadzia, looking expectantly.

The trill was near speechless as she slid her hand over the soft skin of Kira's belly. Their eyes still locked as Jadzia's fingers disappeared into the Major's pants. 

Kira squeezed her eyes shut, becoming overwhelmed with the intensity of the situation. It was almost as if she couldn't believe Jadzia wanted to do this.

"Are you okay?" Jadzia whispered, unsure if she should stop. 

Kira gasped as she pushed down on the Trill's fingers, "m'fine." She managed, jolting when she felt a calloused thumb pressing against her clit. "Oh!" 

Jadzia smirked, gaining confidence, proud of the sounds she was coaxing out of that pretty little throat. "So pretty, Nerys" She purred, pushing Kira's waistband under her hips. She leaned in, peppering little kisses along her throat. She carefully guided Kira's back onto the couch. 

"Is this…" She nipped at her collarbone before leaving a trail of wet kisses down just below her navel. "...okay?" 

She glanced up at Kira, grinning playfully as their back arched. "Is that a yes? You have to say yes." She teased. 

"Yes…" Kira breathed out. 

Jadzia curiously swiped her tongue causing Kira to cry out. 

"Just l...like that."

Suddenly, she felt hands in her hair gently pushing her down. She could hear the rise and fall of Kira's chest, every moan, as her body pushed back up against her tongue. 

It wasn't long before Kira's thighs tightened around her head as she pushed up into her mouth. "Oh, Jadzia." She panted, obviously tired out due to the soft tone of her voice. 

The trill crawled up to press a kiss to her cheek. "...Was that okay?" Jadzia asked, blushing furiously. 

Kira lazily threw her arms around Jadzia. "You're definitely...skilled, but you didn't get to…" 

Jadzia's eyes averted her gaze, "Well actually...I might've really enjoyed doing that for you." Embarrassment unfurled in her belly as she thought about her fully clothed state.

"Well, I owe you one." She reached up to trace her girlfriend's spots. "Besides, I still haven't really seen how far these go." She smiled sheepishly, eyes slipping shut. 

Jadzia got up off the couch after kissing Kira's forehead. "I'll be right back with a towel, Don't fall asleep."

"Shower?" She rolled on her side to face Jadzia. "It was...nice last time," She admitted.


	7. A Lesson in Sabotage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain finds information that could very well void the pending mission of peace between Cardassia and Bajor. However, the Cardassian's aren't the only ones well versed in the art of sabotage. Kira also has a few bad choices up her sleeve.

"Hey, remember, I'll be right there," Jadzia spoke, arms around Kira as she replicated a cup of coffee. 

It's been about a week since either of them had seen Dukat. He'd made himself scarce despite being adamant about living on the station for the duration of this mission.

"I'm fine," The Major insisted despite the slight tremor in her hands. Her coffee crashed like ocean waves against the inside of the mug. 

Suddenly, Jadzia placed her hand over the mug, gently taking it from her. "You just gotta go in there, and do what you think is best for your people. The outcome doesn't have to be peace…"

Kira turned to face Jadzia, pressing a kiss into her nose before slipping out of her grip. "What if they figure us out…?" 

"They won't. I didn't go by Dax at that time, it was too confusing for Amina. As soon as I was sent home I was untraceable as far as Cardassia is concerned." She set the freshly brewed coffee on the table in front of Kira. 

"It's only a video meeting anyway, I will be there….It's fine. Everything is fine." 

Kira jumped at the sound of the front door chiming, flinching again as the com speaker cracked on. She felt Jadzia's hand squeeze her shoulder.

"Jadzia, open up. There's been a change of plans…" 

Kira settled when the Captain's voice came through the com. "Doors unlocked" She said before looking up at her girlfriend, "...change of plans?"

She shrugged. 

Sisko held up his padd as he entered the room as if it were home to a sacred text. "Dukat sabotaged this whole thing from the beginning.” He set the padd on the table in front of them.

“What am I looking at?” Kira was the first to ask.

“Two sets of scans, they were taken the same day, at the same time. One of them clearly shows the planet’s stability faltering due to atmospheric pressure, that one is our original scan. The second one, originated from an unknown source, reading that the planet was safe to beam down on.”

“So, you think Dukat sabotaged us from the beginning, to cause distrust between the Bajorans and their Emissary?” Jadzia looked at the scans before her.

“How do we…” Kira started, “Well, how do we know it was Dukat?” She blurted out, her tone was unbelievably defensive.

“Who the hell else would do thi-” Jadzia stopped herself. “Damar,” She answered her own question. “Dukat isn’t smart enough for this. He isn’t the one pulling the strings.”

“He may be aware of the plan up until this point, but Dukat is a pawn in the dark like the rest of Damar’s colleagues.” The Major casually spun the padd on the table, “Damar says when to jump and Dukat does and acts like it was his idea.”

The Captain put his hand on the padd, stopping it abruptly. “Would he send Dukat out there with the possibility of him not coming back?”

“I think Damar would do anything to not have to pilot from the sidelines,” Jadzia’s hand balled into a fist, anger rising steadily, “But how do we prove this?”

“We don’t, we just let them know we know.” 

“Benjamin, it’s almost time for the meeting, you should head back to your office so they don’t know we spoke.” The trill gently suggested, “We’ll talk more later.”

Some time had passed, maybe an hour or so, whatever it was, it was an agonizing amount. Kira sat in front of a screen with Dukat and Damar. It was beyond obvious that she was already sick of this.

“I just don’t believe that Cardassia is sincere in this proposal, Damar.” Kira said flatly, shooting him a pointed look. 

Jadzia smiled, sitting outside of view, proud of her girlfriend for being able to speak her mind.

“It hurts me that you’d think we were anything but sincere, Nerys.” Dukat’s words dripping in delusions of grandeur. 

“Damar,” She repeated firmly, “I believe I was speaking to Damar.” 

“We only want peace with the Bajorans, Major. It’s the only way our people can move past these atrocities.”

“Considering the circumstances, and what you’ve done aboard this station...” Kira’s voice wavered ever so slightly. She cleared her throat, “Until you both publicly admit the crimes you’ve committed I cannot recommend continuing this mission or granting you entry to Starfleet. Dukat, you know what you’ve done and Damar, I know what you’ve done.” She leaned towards the screen. “This is not Terok Nor and my people will not submit to you. Have I made myself clear?”

“That's...so…” Dukat trailed off, “so, so unfortunate for you, Nerys. You used to be so receptive after we got rid of that worm. Where’s that Kira now?”

Kira froze up as he spoke.

“I’ve missed you, Nerys. I’ve missed your begging, and I know something about you, my sunshine.” The Gul smiled at her. “I know you’ve got a new worm in your life, and I think that’s your problem.”

“If you so much as come near her…”

“You’ll what, exactly, Nerys? Run to Starfleet with proof? What proof?” Damar taunted her. 

“Computer, send recording to the Captain.” Jadzia spoke up from the background.

“...that proof,” Kira raised her brows at them, just as surprised as they were. “I think we’re done here, Kira out.” 

The coms shut off as the screen went to black.

“When did you decide to…?”

The trill made her way back to Kira, taking her hands to pull her up. “I thought about it after Benjamin left. I knew they were going to try to manipulate you, and we needed proof of that if we’re going to be able to call off this mission.”

Kira gave a small nod, letting her hands drop from Jadzia’s grasp upon realizing a very specific need bubbling just below the surface. “I think I need some air,” She could’ve used a worse excuse, maybe, but regardless it was good enough because Jadzia didn’t stop her from bolting out of her quarters. 

She ran through the halls as if she really had a chance to outrun the pitiful stomach drop feeling currently bubbling inside her. Her brain was sending signals, rapid fire, telling her she’s worked too hard to lose him like this. Part of her still thinks she needs him to survive.

He’s like a safety blanket she’d dragged through burs. Every time she uses him her skin burns from the scratches, but in a way he keeps her safe.

The way she’s able to close her eyes around him, sending her back to a time where she still had hope and Amina. She's safe in that moment, on Terok Nor, dreaming of a future with Amina.

Dukat had her hopelessly addicted to running to him to escape herself.

She swallowed hard upon reaching Dukat’s temporary quarters. Of course, Benjamin made sure he’d been accommodated for the mission. He just didn’t know what all those accommodations entailed. One of such being herself, who’s hand was already tapping the com on his door. 

“...please let me in,” Her voice was just above a whisper, sounding like a chastised child. “Please, Dukat,” she added just before the doors slid open before her. Kira carefully looked around before slipping inside.

Her sleeve slid between her fingers, a nervous habit, the act was just enough to tell him just how agreeable she’d be. She knew the game just as well as he did.

She knew he’d planned this.

“Miss Nerys.” His voice carried from across the room, causing her muscles to tighten, “I’ve been waiting for you.”

The Gul took a step towards her, watching as Kira’s body began to shake from nerves. “There’s no need to be nervous here.” 

“I don’t even know why I’m here…” The words fell out of her mouth. She was well versed in the reasons she was standing here practically vibrating like an outdated explosive. She closed her eyes, soon feeling Dukat’s hand rest on the side of her neck. 

“Well,” He started, fingers ghosting up the back of her neck before twisting into her hair, “You’re here because you know I’m the only one who could love you.” He tightened his fist, “Have you looked at yourself, really assessed yourself, Nerys?”

“I-”

Dukat quickly cut her off, “You came running to me… I’m beginning to think that this says more about you than myself. Of course I have my regrets, but you… You’re out here cheating and playing scared little girl to get away with it.”

“That’s not-” She started, voice raised.

The Gul pulled her close to him. He growled, “Then WHAT is it?”

Kira cried out as he pulled her back by her hair, “You’re all I know!”

Dukat dropped her hair with a soft smile, “Oh, sweetheart. My dear,” He trailed off, watching as her body instinctively learned toward him. He put his hands on her waist, remembering a time where his hands used to touch like this. “I’m proud of how far you’ve come for me…”  
X

Jadzia had lost track of the times she’d paced her quarters, waiting on her girlfriend to return. She tried to be understanding of Kira needing space, but the whole thing didn’t feel right. She’s never just ran like that. 

Sometimes, she’d catch her walking the promenade in the middle of the night, but this felt different.

She knew she probably shoulder, but the idea to peep her location was getting stronger by the minute. 

“Computer, Locate Major Kira.” Jadzia nervously wrung her hands, shaking them out a little bit from nerves. Generally she wasn’t a big fan of stalking. 

“Major Kira is in guest quarters.” The computer answered.

So, she’s probably visiting a Bajoran friend. Maybe she left to pray?

“Computer, Who’s registered to those quarters?”

The computer barely got Dukat’s name out before Jadzia was out the door. She bolted down the hall, towards guest quarters. It’s not like they were ever full, so it shouldn’t be hard to narrow down which one he’s in.

Though, Jadzia didn’t have to search much, because once she got to the guest hall she witnessed Kira stumbling out of one of the doors.

“Kira?” Jadzia rushed to her, trying to quell whatever feelings were rising in her chest alongside a vague tinge of jealousy she’s sure shouldn’t be there. 

The Major was wobbly on her feet, and at first the trill thought it was the kanar again until something fell from her hands. 

It was a shattered piece of blue-green glass. 

“Kira, I need you to say something.”

“I don’t know who I am anymore,” she mumbled. “Jadzia, I don’t know who I am.”

“Come on, we’re going to get you checked out, okay?”

Kira began to walk with her, keeping a slow pace. “I think he’s dead.” She finally spoke up.

“Medbay first, details later.” Jadzia tapped her badge. “Julian, you might want to send someone up to Dukat’s guest quarters. I don’t know what happened, but I’m sure he’s seen better days. Dax out.”

Jadzia ended up carrying Kira into medbay. Despite not seeming to have any injuries she wasn’t the best at walking.

“What happened? I just sent a small crew to guest quarters.” Julian helped Jadzia lift the Major onto a cot.

“She doesn’t seem to have any injuries, but she couldn’t walk down here at all and she’s not talking..”

“It’s shock, does she have any history of dissociation?” Julian picked up a scanner.

“She’s been carrying around...a lot, since the occupation.” Jadzia sighed, leaning against Kira’s bedside. 

“That’s a yes,” The doctor put the scanner down. “There’s no signs of serious physical trauma. She’s a little bruised up, but otherwise fine.”

Kira tilted her head towards her girlfriend. “I stabbed Dukat,” She put her hands over her face, seeming to be slowly coming back. “Oh my god, I stabbed Dukat.”

“It’s very important that you tell us what happened,” Julian interrupted her, trying to keep his voice as gentle as possible.

“Sometimes, I feel like something takes over me.I feel like I have to go to him.” She sat up on the cot, keeping her eyes down. “Since this whole mission started, being near him,” Jadzia gently took her hand as she lost her words. “It was like I was back there, like I hadn’t lost anyone and there was still hope of making it out with them.”

She stopped again, swallowing through tears. “But at least when I go to him now, it's because of me, not because my presence was requested.” 

“It’s going to be okay,” She squeezed Kira’s hand, “You’re going to be okay.”

“It felt different, when he started touching me.”

Julian felt his stomach sour, witnessing his friend recant her experience. He quietly handed her a tissue.

“It didn’t feel like during the occupation anymore, like the fog lifted and I realized he wanted me to be like this, grasping for control.”   
She cleared her throat, wiping her eyes. “He told me he’d always planned this, that our relationship would unite my people and his. I just.... I started putting the pieces together. He set me up for this moment, like a chess piece or something. I got this feeling of fear, like years of being numb was finally catching up with me. I begged him to stop, but he just...he never fucking listens.” Kira began to hyperventilate, tears dripping from her chin. “I broke a bottle of kanar over his head and stabbed him with a piece of it. I didn’t want him to get up. I didn’t want to see him again.”

“Major, I’m sorry….” He began, not knowing what else to say. There’s nothing he could do that could comfort after something like this. “Don’t tell anyone else that you went to him. It’s possible that the Cardassian government is going to want to do an investigation. For now, go home, you are to be confined to your quarters for your safety.”


	8. All Figured Out

Benjamin waited inside his office for about fifteen minutes or an hour, at this point it didn’t matter. With this news, well, it didn’t matter. Damar was on his way, and things were about to get a lot worse.

His hands were folded over one another as he sat stoically, mulling over what could happen next. 

He knew what Odo wanted, to shoot Dukat out of an airlock and call it a day. Done and done. However, nobody has informed Damar yet, who is very likely to get the Cardassian government involved. And he really doesn’t know how far the recording of the first meeting will travel through their court system, if at all. 

Finally, the doors parted ways to reveal Damar, looking vaguely annoyed at the intrusion of his schedule. “To what do I owe the pleasure, Captain?” The Cardassian strode over to the silver guest chair, spinning it so he could lean his forearms on the back of it while he sat.

The Captain had to hesitate otherwise he would’ve deadpanned the news, which honestly when he tells Jake later it’s exactly how he’s going to say it. For now he managed to put on his best serious front, leaning forward towards Damar. “I’ve come to understand there was an incident between one of my officers and Gul Dukat.” He said carefully, “Gul Dukat did not survive the incident.”

Damar smacked his hand onto Sisko’s desk. “That damned Major of yours goes and commits murder, and you sugar coat it in this way?!” His voice boomed through the office.

This is exactly what Sisko was waiting for. A smirk formed on his face as he stood up, slowly, savoring the moment. “So here’s how I see it, Damar, I’m sure you’re well aware that we have today's meeting on file. You know the one where you threatened two of my officers. The one where Gul Dukat alluded to doing less than savory things to a former Bajoran slave.” His hands clasped together as if in prayer, “Do you see this, Damar? Do your people pray? If so, I would start, because if you so much as think about charging Major Kira with anything I will be releasing that tape along with Constable Odo’s report to the Bajoran government. If you haven’t read it, now’s the time.” He picked up his padd and tossed it across the desk. 

“You may have just started a war you can’t finish, Sisko.” Damar ignored the padd, standing up swiftly.

“Get the hell off my station and don’t forget to check in with Doctor Bashir to get your friend. This meeting is over.”

The Cardassian’s exit was quick and painless. He’d only hoped Dukat felt enough pain for the both of them. “Sisko to the old man, I think I took care of Damar, but I still want you both to hold out in your quarters.”   
“Acknowledged, Thank you Benjamin. Old man out.” Jadzia slumped against her couch. She could hear Kira sobbing over the running water in her sonic shower. 

Was this a good time to check on her?

Was she supposed to get in again?

There was a slight tinge of paranoia to her thoughts as she partially blamed her own actions for pushing Kira away that time, though she can’t really pinpoint what the offending action was. 

Jadzia sat there, juggling her complicated feelings until she couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe its the idea that she’s pretty sure her girlfriend is only here for the worm inside of her, or the memories of her dead wife. Maybe that idea is making her feel heavily inadequate. 

It could also be because her girlfriend ran out of her arms and straight into her rapists.

She took a deep breath. There was too much happening for her at once. Her thoughts didn’t need to race, they could instead plague her in turns or something. 

The trill didn’t know if she could take hearing the panic in Kira’s voice if she turned that corner. She doesn’t know if she could handle hearing “Get him off me” one more time.

She feels like a fucking sponge, all the while feeling like she’s taking advantage of her. 

Jadzia knew she was going to go in there anyway, but damn, her self worth was dwindling fast.

She carefully slid the bathroom door open, “Nerys?”

“M’fine, I promise.” She hiccuped, peeking out of the shower curtain. 

“You couldn’t possibly be fine right now.”

Jadzia watched as Kira wordlessly turned off the shower, completely opening the curtain to reveal herself. 

“All I want to do is dry off.” She stepped out of the shower. “And stop blaming myself for everything that's happened within the last three years. It’s over, I just want to stop thinking about it even if it's just for tonight.”

The trill picked up her towel and wrapped it around her. “I’m not going to make you talk about it.” 

Kira leaned back into her. “Can we just go to bed?”

“Yeah, of course.” Jadzia intertwined her hand with Kira’s, leading her into the bedroom.


End file.
